New York Justice
"Now that Sonia Sotomayor has joined the Supreme Court, one third of the justices are now from New York City. This explains why the customary opening of a court session has changed from 'All rise' to 'Hey, I'm judging over here!"
- Conan O'Brien
Insufficient Funds
March 23, 2009
Lemon Bank
1500 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20220
Dear Sirs:
One of my checks was returned and marked “insufficient funds.” In view of the current events and market conditions in the banking industry, to whom does this refer: to me or you, the Lemon Bank?
Thank you in advance for your prompt attention to this matter.
Sincerely,
Neida Loan
Arguing About Money
Heather's husband Chad, was called into his bank to discuss his accounts.
"Your finances are in terrible shape," the banker stated. "Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue."
"Yes, I know." said Chad. "It's my wife, Heather. She is out of control."
"Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you have?" asked the banker.
"Frankly," replied Chad with a deep sigh, "because I'd rather argue with you than with her."
Not the Kind of Customer You Want
The new account representative had a puzzled look on her face as she looked at the elderly looking gentleman in front of her and noted that his driver's license indicated he was not all that old. As she looked at him inquiringly, he says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."
The CSR asked, "What happened?"
"One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"
That's the Policy
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!"
"Sir, you stepped away from the counter," said the cashier. "We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank."
"Well, ok," answered the customer. "Just thought you'd like to know that you gave me an extra twenty. Bye."
Know Your Customer
AML Bank initiated a very strict Know Your Customer policy, collecting detailed information about each customer in order to verify identity. One day Ted, who is five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump, came in to open a new account. He filled out his new account application and handed it back to Marge, the CSR. After noting that Ted had indicated on the form that he was Six-foot-two, 180 pounds, Marge pondered the information for a minute before leaning over and gently saying, "Ted, this is not the Internet."
Customer Service
I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me.
Cadillac
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979." "You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly. "No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac."